If you are a gay teen or a parent of a gay teen and would like some personalized advice about something in this arena, we welcome you to submit your question to Nicole Kent, our head facilitator and group moderator. She will be happy to post a response to your question on this page. Just submit your questions HERE. Questions that other people have submitted in the past can be found in the categories below.

Categories:

Coming Out
Labels / What Am I?
Relationships
Socializing
Suicide

Question: I've grown up always trying to figure out what exactly I am, and over the past years I've finally became more confident in who I am. I fell in love with my best friend, and about a year and a half ago (July 3, 2010) He and another good friend of mine passed away in a car accident. I have so many unresolved questions and feelings. I've never been so destroyed or confused in my life, and even as time has gone on things haven't changed for me. I don't cry everyday anymore, but I still think about him throughout the day everyday. I can't get close to anyone, and I feel like in any relationship I try and have I'm just looking for him. It always ruins everything, and it always hurts. I am so confused about who I am, I am so depressed still about losing him. And feel like I dont know what I want or need anymore. I'm just so confused about life and myself, any advice?

Nicole: I am so sorry for your loss. Everything you shared in your letter makes perfect sense. You are grieving. My advice is to be patient with yourself as you grieve. Grief has many phases. Nothing can make the grief disappear, but talking to someone can help you to understand the stages of grief and to learn some ways to cope with your feelings. It sounds like your grief is complicated by your confusion about yourself and by the nature of your relationship. Find a counselor who understands the complexities of both sexual identity and grief. As you heal, you will learn to trust love again and to allow yourself to be vulnerable. Hang in there. You are not alone. Please stay in touch and don't be afraid to ask for help.

Question: My 17 year old daughter just told me she is gay and that she has known for a few years. I also learned (not from her) that when she was just 12 she was pursued by her female cousin who she considered her best friend at the time. They had some sort of physical relationship (driven by the cousin) which my daughter believed was loving. Meanwhile.. she struggled with her weight and fitting in with the "popular crowd" Is it possible that my daughter believes she is gay because she had a supposed loving relationsip with a girl. Should I pursue this line of thinking.. or just accept that she is gay.

Nicole: Thank you for your note. I understand that this is an adjustment for you and that you want to know why she feels this way. What your daughter needs from you most is to know that you love her just as she is. I encourage you not to question or challenge her about her identity. She has been carrying this secret for more than a year. Even the most benign questions will likely be interpreted as a lack of acceptance. The "are you sure?" line of questioning makes it clear that you'd rather it not be true. Even if that thought comes from a place of concern for what your daughter may have to go through, it will still hurt her. Parents are often tempted to "blame" a same-sex crush for their child's sexual identity. It is more likely that her sexual identity influenced the same-sex crush. You may benefit from attending PFLAG meetings in your area. Best of luck to you on your journey. I hpe to hear back from you in the future.

Question: So, I'm sixteen, and I have recently started telling some of my close friends that I am gay. I want to tell my parents, but they are both really stressed right now. Things are pretty crazy for them at work (They run a hedgefund and the market has been awful lately) They are planning on retiring soon, they should have an exit strategy in a couple of weeks, and be done sometime soon after. I know that I need to do waht is best for me, but I think that if I tell them now, it might not go as well. I know that they are supportive, they have mentioned (when a friend of mine came out) that though they would never wish it upon anybody, they have no problem with it and realize it isn't a choice. But, I know that this will be as hard on them as it is on me, and I don't want to upset them more than necessary. They have been home less than usual lately, and I don't want them to blame themselves. Should I wait till they are under less stress, or not?

Nicole: Congratulations on your brave decision to come out. It sounds like you have a loving and supportive family. If it is tolerable, wait the couple of weeks until some of the pressure is off. But remember, there are always stressors and you have a right to share who you are when you need to. Even supportive parents can have a less than ideal response when their kids come out. You may want to have another supportive adult ready to be there for you after you talk to your parents. Best of luck, and let us know how it goes!

Question: Im a guy and in love with my best friend but im pretty sure he's straight how do i deal with this i feel like i'll never get over him.

Nicole: Check out the answer for "I like my Besty". The group had a lot to say on this one. We've all been there at one time or another. The most direct comments from group members were "don't waste your energy/love on straight guys". It is self-defeating and never ends well. I also want to add my two cents about something you said. "I feel like I'll never get over him" - It does feel that way, but that doesn't mean it's true. Feeling something doesn't make it reality. You will grieve, then you will eventually move on. There will be guys in your future who are able and willing to love you back. Be patient dear one. You are worthy of love.

Question: So I've liked this guy for 3 years going into 4 this year, I'm 17 so I've had a crush on this guy the whole time in high school, he's my besty he knows I "like" him. I say "like" because I'm not exactly sure what it is I feel like it's more then "like" but not not "love ". I know I can't be with him and i have people to talk to but I they can't help much they just say" get over it " but it's easier said then done, he is leaving to the marines a week after we graduate but my question is what do I do in this situation. I have no idea what do in my actions I want him to be happy with any girl but I always get jealous. So pls if u can help ..... Thank you for your time

Nicole: What you are talking about is classic unrequited love. That is when we love someone who doesn't (or can't) love us back. I will not tell you to get over it because it is painful. What I can say is that it will not always hurt like it does now. You will grieve, and it will feel really bad. Then, slowly but surely, you will come out of the fog of grief and will begin to connect with others. There will be a day in your life when you go to bed at night and will realize that you didn't think about him once that day. That day will come sooner than you think. Grief is tough - don't be afraid to reach out for help from a counselor or other trusted adult. Take care of yourself.