If you are a gay teen or a parent of a gay teen and would like some personalized advice about something in this arena, we welcome you to submit your question to Nicole Kent, our head facilitator and group moderator. She will be happy to post a response to your question on this page. Just submit your questions HERE. Questions that other people have submitted in the past can be found in the categories below.

Categories:

Coming Out
Labels / What Am I?
Relationships
Socializing
Suicide

Question: Hi Nicole! Well first my name is Eddie and I'm 20 years old. I live with my sister here in San Diego. I'm gay and know and accept it, and I want to come out so bad. Every person I have ever heard about said it was the most wonderful feeling after they came out. But I am afraid of my family. I think my mom would be ok with it(she has a few lesbian friends) but then there's everyone else. I know my family is whole-heartedly against homosexuality. I'm afraid to come out for several reasons- 1) I don't want to risk my sister that I live with kicking me out(all my familey lives back east in PA or NJ so I wouldn't have anywhere to go.) That's the biggie! 2) I don't want my other sister who is strongly against gays to not let me see her kids any more who are my entire life(I helped her raise all three for 7 years.) Then there's my extended family- my grandmother is from an older era and probably wouldn't accept it. And then there are my 2 aunts, of whom i lived with one, and the other who has helped me out in a million ways including financially over the past 6 months, well really my whole life. I'm very close to everyone in my family and would be devastated if any of them decideds to cut me out of thier lives. I have no idea what to do?!?!?!? PLEASE HELP!!!! thanks for listening- eddie

Nicole: Hi Eddie. Thanks for your question. You are in a tough spot. Nobody can tell you that you must come out. Coming out can be a great experience. It can also be very difficult. For most of us, we reach a point when keeping the secret feels worse than possible rejection. Though I can't promise anything, most families will eventually come around. If you think your mom may be a good ally for you, you may want to tell her first and get her feedback and advice about coming out to others in your family. In the mean time, get active in the community. Meet other LGBT people and live your life!

Question: Hi Nicole my name is Krystal and I've recently came out to my parents last year of 09' ever since I've came out to them it feels like things have changed in a negative way. My mom acts like I've never came out to her and still thinks I like guys. She thinks I'm going through a phase but I told her that I am not and I've been knowing since I was in 4th Grade. She pretty much freaked out when I told her and we have NEVER talked about it ever since. My dad supports me but we don't really talk about it either, but before I came out to my parents and some of my cousins I told one of my closets friends and he has been supporting me since day one just like my cousins and my brother. I am blessed to have them. Since I came out to my parents I don't have the nerve to tell anyone else myself because I get scared that they will react like my mom did to me when I told her,so I'll have one of my cousins or my close friend tell them. I don't think I will ever come out to my high school til I graduate and start my coming out life til I go in to college. I haven't yet been with a female but I'm looking. It's hard to find somebody because I'm a little closed in with the public but I'm starting to put that in back of my mind and just telling myself that "We only live once, So why not live it up in happiness". When I feel like I've been hurt or loved in any way I'll write it as a song. I want to become an musician artist for pop/club/ and electro sounds and just let the whole world know who I am with out being ashamed of it. I look up to Ellen Degeneres and Lady Gaga because they're in the type of society that I want to be in which is fame but I always wonder if I could be like them since I'm a lesbian. I'm glad I have told you my story and I'm sorry that it's a little long haha but I hope you can give me some advice in any way. Take Care

Nicole: Hi Krystal. I'm sorry that things didn't go a little better with your parents. Your mom's reaction is very common. I think they think that is they ignore it, it will go away. I hope you will be patient as your parents learn and grow. In the mean time, I encourage you to live your life fully. you have a lot of fabulous dreams and you deserve to be happy and successful! "Coming out" is something you get better and better at. Don't give up. Good luck!

Question: I have been looking for some one to date around sandiego but no one in sandiego comeouts at the age of 14 or 15 where could i possibly find someone??? any web page or program i am 14so i would really like to start to date just like my sister and friends???

Nicole: Thank you for your question. I understand that you are eager to date. There is no one way to meet that special someone. your best bet is to keep yourself busy and involved with activities that you like. Thay way you can meet lots of other young people who like the same things you do. Eventually (and please be patient) you will meet someone special. Hang in there.

Question: Hi, I am 17 years old. I am a Lesbian. I realized I was different from a young age, as long as I can remember I have been attracted to girls. I knew I would have to tell the people around me eventually but its harder than I thought. I lost my friend last year because I told her I was a lesbian and then she swore I had a huge crush on her. I tried to reason with her and tell her that I am not attracted to her and how rare it is for me to be attracted to anyone. That didnt work. Anyway, after that incident I am finding it hard to come out to many of my friends because I am not good at losing people. I have had a rough life and have had many walk out on me. Do you have any advice on how I can tell my friends I am a lesbian?

Nicole: Rough life or not, none of us likes to lose friends. My suggestion is to get involved in your school's GSA (gay-straight alliance) and to put your energy into building friendships with new friends who are accepting. That way, if you do lose any of your old friends, you still won't be alone. I'm going to guess that most of your friends are going to be just fine with the news. As always, if you find yourself really struggling with fear of loss, seek counseling. Good Luck!

Question: Hi well i am debating whether i am gay or bisexual. i really prefer to not label my self at all but that semms to be what everyone is doing. I went to lesbian in june 09 and was with a girl for 5 months. Then we broke up and after not being ina relationship i noticed alot of guys liking me. I gave up on guys cuz i was raped about almost 2 years ago and never really saw guys the same way again. Ill see guys and say hey he really sexy but wouldnt wanna b with him. I got ina relationship with a guy oct. 1 and decided to try it. I thought he waas really cute but didnt really feel anything for him. No butterlfys or warm feelings. NOTHING. sumtymes ill even think about sex witha guy. but i dont feel anything .. I want a girlfriend really bad. i dont know im torn between to roads.

Nicole: I think your thought about labels is right on. Don't be pressured into a label that may not work for you. I'm so sorry about your sexual assault. Being sexually assaulted doesn't "turn" someone gay. It can, however, affect how a person views sex and relationships. My advice is to give yourself plenty of time to heal and to explore your feelings. You may find a label you're comfortable with, but some people just don't fit into categories. You are you and that's perfect.