If you are a gay teen or a parent of a gay teen and would like some personalized advice about something in this arena, we welcome you to submit your question to Nicole Kent, our head facilitator and group moderator. She will be happy to post a response to your question on this page. Just submit your questions HERE. Questions that other people have submitted in the past can be found in the categories below.

Categories:

Coming Out
Labels / What Am I?
Relationships
Socializing
Suicide

Question: I am 13 and am an incoming freshman. I came out to my parents and older sister (my younger sister doesn't know) about four months ago. I am fortunate to have a very understanding, accepting, and loving family. However, the problem lies with coming out to my friends and the rest of the world. I am worried that if I wait too long it will be harder to come out, but I am also worried that if I come out early on in highschool while I am still developing my identity I might change my mind and not be able to take it back.

Its hard to explain, but I guess I've felt this way about girls more and more since I was very young. I don't feel 100% sure about my sexuality, but I'm not happy with being stuck in the middle because then coming out is virtually impossible. I feel as though I have to pick a side so that I can come out of the dark, and I want to lean towards being straight but every time I lean that way I become uncomfortable. I am also frustrated because I worry that I may, in the long run, fall in love with someone who is a girl and who is not gay. Please help me!

Nicole: Thanks for your letter. You are not alone! The question of identity is a big one. Here's my advise - don't feel that you have to claim an identity or a label and be stuck with it forever. Sexuality is much more complex than any one label can match. It is okay to share with people you trust that you are still growing into your sexual orientation. Be patient with yourself as you get used to all that high school has to offer. You are wonderful - just as you are. Let us know how things go!

Question: Hi, I am not outed to anyone yet. I go to high school and I like a lot of guys there. All the guys I like are straight. I know this because they have girlfriends and most are sexually active. I really want a boyfriend but I can only summon up the courage to ask online which isn't a good place to ask a thing of such importance. I can't drive and I didn't come out of the closet so I can't tell my parents to take me to ur meetings and I'm not allowed to leave the house (not even to catch a movie). Advice??

Nicole: Hi Nick, Thanks for writing to me. Your letter makes me want to ask you a lot of questions. Are you really not allowed to leave the house? Ever? Are there any adults in your life who you trust? I strongly encourage you to get the help and support of a trusted aunt, school counselor, or therapist. Does your school have a GSA? That would be a great way to meet other people, but more importantly - please find someone to talk to.

Question: My life so far has not been good. i have no family left because of my orientation. i'm not sure if im going to have a place to stay for much longer. i Don't get enough hours to make it. everyday i contemplate suicide. i have no one. im not sure why i should go on. I don't know if i can take being homeless. what should i do?

Nicole: Thank you so much for writing. I know you are suffering. I hope you will give life a chance. Being rejected by family can make a person feel worthless and hopeless, but that does not mean it is true! Don't let your family dictate how happy you are allowed to be. I want you to call the Trevor project at 1-866-4-U-TREVOR. It is a hotline for LGBT young people. Depending on what town you live in, there are many programs to help you get on your feet with housing, food, and job training. In California, we can call 211 to find referrals for social services in our area. Please write back with an update. I have faith in you. You are lovable, worthy, and beautiful.

Question: Hi Nicole, I'm responding to your question from my advice. I'm in the category of "A Parent's Dilemma". I found out about my step-daughters relationship on some text messages and on myspace. She was always texting this girl and I always thought it was a boy she was texting. I found out on my own about this. I think that my step-daughter is confused about her sexual preference because I talked to her about it and she said she didn't know when she starting feeling this about girls. She even told me she wasn't a Lesbian but she is with a girl right now. I don't understand what's going on. I need help as much as she does. I already talked to her about this. I did let her know that I care for her and that all I want is for her to make the right decision and be happy. I will talk to her again and I will ask her how she feels about her family knowing. I don't think her family will be supportive. Thank you for your advice, I really appreciated it.

Nicole: Please get in touch with your local PFLAG organization. They can help you to come to terms with what your step-daughter is going through. You may need some individual counseling for a while. Don't hesitate. You and your family deserve to be happy.

Question: I'm a parent of a teen, who is in a hard difficult situation. I just found out the my teen step daugther is going out with a girl. I talked to her about it and she is confuss on her sexual preference. Im the only one in her family that knows this, but is hard for me to keep this from her family, i dont know if I should tell her family this. I need an advice on what to do in this situation. She wasted a lot of time texting her or emailing her, the cell phone is her world, i dont know how to help her? I think that by telling her family they would be able to know how to handle this situation. Can you please give an advice to this. Thank you

Nicole: Your question is so important - thanks for writing! So sorry for the delay in my answer. I have a few questions for you. How did you find out about your step-daughter's relationship? Did she tell you, or did you "catch" her? What kind of "help" do you think your step-daughter needs? I would like to first normalize the fact that many well-adjusted teens spend a lot of time on their cell phones. I suggest that the first step is an open and honest conversation with your step-daughter. Let her know that you care about her and want her to be happy and supported. Ask her how she feels about her family knowing. Offer to help her to tell them if she wants to. Is her family likely to be supportive? If she doesn't want her family to know, I hope you can respect that. She is lucky to have a supportive step-parent! You may want to look into PFLAG meetings for you (or her parents) and to GSA meetings for your step-daughter at her school. Please write and let us know what happened.